You Could Be Happy And I Won't Know
by jadajmk
Summary: The light streams in, highligting Kendall's beautiful face and James snuggles closer to he bare body. Soaking in magic, sex, and sweat. Soaking in what he loves. He wants to be more than this to Kendall. He needs to be, becuase it's more than this to him.


**This story is dedicated to AbiDiLaurentis who left an amazing review. It's the least I could do since I'm not continuing "Say You're Gonna Love Me". She's amazing and if you want I'll do request. This was suppose to be posted like yeaterday, but my computer decided that it hated me and wouldn't let me log onto FF.**

**The title came from the song by the same name by Snow Patrol. I was listening to this while this story at 3 in the morning when I was on vacay. Listen to them, they're good. Anyway hope you enjoy.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~XXX~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun streams down onto James' eyes and he snuggles closer to the warmth of Kendall's chest. He can't help, but let out a content sigh.

A smile crosses his face when he looks at Kendall's face. Pale lids cover the most beautiful color of emerald and his nose scrunches up ever so often, something James finds utterly adorable. The light that fans across his face makes him look even more angelic. James gives his neck a kiss of affection. He's so beautiful and as corny as it sounds all James wants to do is wrap his beauty up and carry it around with him. As a constant reminder that God makes breath taking things.

Then suddenly James has this feeling in his chest. It flutters and grows until he has to focus on breathing like normal people do. It's not nessicarly a bad feeling, more like Kendall and his love for him are consuming him.

"James! Kendall! Are you too done fucking like rabbits, because it's almost time to leave and I'm not getting detention for being late, again." Sometimes James thinks he hates Logan and his smartass comments. Honestly, how does Camille stand spending so much time with him.

"Fuck off." Kendall grumbles and turns over, almost knocking James to the floor. Kendall is not a morning person.

"Don't tell me to fuck off. And you and your boyfriend should hurry up before Mama Knight comes in and sees you two naked." Logan replies and James can practically see Logan smirking.

James knows that Logan's smartass comments aren't meant to make him sad, but his eyes still get a little glassy. He wants Kendall to be his boyfriend, he really does, but James didn't think Kendall wanted the same thing.

It's moments like these that James regretted this "thing" him and Kendall have. He doesn't even know what to call it. They aren't boyfriend and boyfriend, Kendall still goes out on dates, and keeps in close contact with Jo, but him and Kendall have sex, alot. Actually James knows what to call them; he just doesn't want to admit it.

Fuck buddies.

or at least that's how Kendall sees them. James mentally groans and rolls out of bed. He needs to get out of here.

~~~xxx~~~

Breakfast was to say the least awkward. James still feels the blurriness in his eyes and a sadness growing in his chest. Leaving his feeling like his chest was going to bust open. Kendall is still upset at Logan for waking him up.

"So, Logie, tell me how it feels to be the submissive on in a relationship." Kendall's smirk grows with every word and it gets even bigger when Logan chokes on the tea he's drinking. When Logan just glared and didn't respond, Kendall continues. "We all know Camille runs shit in your relationship and you wear the skirt."

Logan just glares harder and gets up to leave. "I'll be down stairs."

"Oh! Does Camille have a treat prepared for you for being a good little Logie."

"I hate you." Logan mutters under his breath and makes sure to bump into Kendall's chair when walking past. "No she doesn't and that one girl you were with two nights ago dropped off your panties." Logan said ending with a smirk. Kendall is momentarily stunned.

James feels his stomach churning, faster and faster until it's getting hard to breathe through the smog of self-pity. When did Kendall go on a date with some girl? How far did they get? Was he not good enough for him?

James needed to stop before he actually cried in front of his friends. Sure they'd seen him cry before, but that doesn't mean that he liked it. "I'll go wait with Logan."

~~~xxx~~~

James sees Kendall talking to that girl and it makes him see red. Not only does Kendall head straight for the seat next to her when they enter to classroom, but he also ignores him. Not matter how hard James tries he can't seem to get Kendall's attention. Every note passes is read and dismissed, every tap on the shoulder is ignored, and every hushed "Kendall" is ignored in favor of her. Katie. Her name is about as original as she is, with her straightened bleached blond hair, designer flip-flops, sun-kissed skin, make-up, and Abercrombie shorts. (1)

James keeps telling himself that she's ugly and her acting probably sucks. But he knows he's wrong. Katie is beautiful, she's got the kind of beauty that makes people stop and stare, and a long lean body that most girls die to have. He wishes that her acting sucked, but she runs lines with Camille and both are up and coming stars. It's how both the blondes met each other; through Camille.

James swears the "Lomille" is out to make his life miserable. He has to deal with Logan's smart ass comments and Camille's crazy antics, but he can't really talk because he's her friend and they're both kinda crazy. But still. They've done some pretty weird things to make his life hard. Like having sex on his bed and not locking the door (that is a memory he'd love to forget). Or that time Camille told him they were going surfing, but they ended up a beach cliff diving (the wet spot on the front of his shorts was totally salty water, no matter what Camille claims).

But this is worse than stealing his clothes to make customs or calling him words that he can't understand. This is way worse. Introducing Kendall to Katie is evil. "Lomille" is evil. "Lomille" is a monster with claws and like bad hair that is hell bent on making life hard for him.

"James!" Carlos yells, waving his hand in front of his face. "We're going to the beach in like 10 minutes, wanna come?"

"Um, schools not over for a few more hours."

Logan just looks at James with a look of disbelief and a slight hint of amusement. "Actually class ends in like 8 minutes."

Wait, what? 8 minutes. James is so confused, because last time he checked he had over 2 hours of school left. He's been known to space out, especially during school, but this is a new record. It even beats Carlos' record (He was so out of it that he stayed in the same class for 2 periods straight).

"Yeah. Why not." James replies with a smile. The beach has waves, sun that warms your skin from the inside out, salt water that fills every crevice in your lungs, and more importantly, the beach has Kendall, without a shirt.

20 minutes later when they've got all their stuff packed is when James see's it. There's a problem and it has blonde hair and starts with a 'K'. Katie. James is beyond pissed that Kendall brought Katie. Katie, with her long legs, long hair, and long eyelash. Katie, who takes and steals all of Kendall's attention. She's worse than cheap hair products.

In the Jeep there isn't enough room to seat 6 people, so Katie ends up sitting on Kendall's lap. There's this possessiveness air that Katie puts around Kendall, as if to say 'he's mine'. Her legs are crossed in his lap and their arms are intertwined and James thinks he kind of hates Kendall at this moment.

Watching them is sick, dizzying, disgusting. And is makes self-pity grow in the pit of his stomach until he actually considers telling Logan to pull over, so he can throw-up on the side of the road.

"WHO WANTS TO GO CLIFF DIVING!" Camille yells, jumping out the car and racing across the beach. Carlos is right on her tail.

James has had a "slight" fear of heights since he was 8 and almost fell off Logan's roof. It's all Kendall's fault, because he should have listened to Mrs. Mitchell when she said that playing superhero's on the top of their 3 story house was nowhere near safe. He doesn't mind going up on high places, but jumping off really high things instills the same heart stopping fear he felt when he almost splattered across Mrs. Mitchell's rose bushes.

"Kendall, come on. I really want to try that." When the words leave Katie's mouth, James smirks, because Kendall will say "no" and stay and surf with James like he always does. That smirk quickly falls when Kendall smiles, the valley of his dimples showing, and follows her in the direction of Camille, Carlos, and Logan.

James ignores the feeling building in the bottom of him, the one that travels up and up until he feel like it's going to explode out of him in a scream or maybe tears. He doesn't really know. He doesn't acknowledge it.

James tries to surf , but it's not as fun as when you have someone with you, watching you, and laughing with you. Laughing alone at something that isn't funny is not fun and James would know; he just tried it a couple of minutes ago. He tries tanning, because he's starting to look like Logan, but even that's not fun. He doesn't have the latest issue of "Man Fashion" or someone to talk to.

Kendall is flirting up some blond, while James is stuck in a bed of self-misery and sand. He thinks it's not even close to being fair.

After 30 minutes of laying in the sand, James see's something that makes his heart ach. Logan is walking with Camille on his back. Their faces are close together and they're both laughing with huge smiles on their faces. Even though James considers "Lomille" to be kind of evil people when they want to, he can't help but be jealous. They share this strong love, the kind James really wants. Sure they're relationship has been rocky and it's not perfect, but it's beautiful, cosmic, and James wants it.

He wants someone to kiss away his tears, like Camille and Logan do for each other. Someone to hold him after a bad day. Someone to have random dates with. Someone to tell him that he's perfect the way he is. Someone to share sun filled days and star shining nights with him. Someone to love him in a way his mother can't. Like Camille and Logan.

Eventually James just goes to the car and lays down in the back seat. He feel rejected, alone, and disgusting. And it all comes together to create something he doesn't know the word for. For the next 3 hours James focus' all his attention on not crying.

When the rest of the group come back to the car, they find James curled up in the back seat, sunglasses on and Kendall notices a few tear tracks. They seat themselves around him.

~~~xxx~~~

Over the next few days James starts to feel better. Kendall's spending more time with him, both inside and out the bedroom, and he hasn't seen Katie around for awhile.

_Life is good,_ James thinks as he's running lines with Camille by the pool late at night. James is surprised Logan is letting this happen, but Logan can tell from the looks given by the pretty boy to Kendall that he has no interest in Camille.

"So, have you seen Katie? She's been busy on set all week, but she gets off early today." At Camille's words James' stomach drops or maybe it's his pancreas, whatever he's never been good at biology. This is why Kendall's been spending time with him! He is James Diamond, not some replaceable toy!

The brunet quickly get's up, making a beeline to the apartment. He needs to be alone. Now.

"JAMES?" he hears Camille yell, but pretends not to hear her.

God apparently isn't working in his favor today, because when he get's back to the apartment all the boys are there, including _him_.

James ignores them when they ask him what's wrong, but the won't stop asking him questions that he doesn't want to answer and it's annoying.

"Leave me ALONE!" and they do.

~~~xxx~~~

It's been 3 days and he stops ignoring his friends, but not Kendall. Because Kendall is not a friend. He's a blond devil child with a horrid -he thinks that's the right word; he heard Logan use it to describe Gustavo on a bad day, so it must be terrible-taste in fashion. Who doesn't care about his feelings.

"James, what are you doing?" because it's a nice day outside and there's a semi-annual sale at Lucky Brand. James should not be in his room with the lights out.

James appreciates Logan's concern, but he wants to be alone right now. "I'm re-evaluating myself."

Logan let's out a small groan. Last time this happened it didn't end well, or at least it didn't for Logan.

"Could you please leave." It's not a question, but a nicely worded command. And Logan doesn't have to be told twice; he doesn't want to spend 5 hours at the stylist again.

James isn't re-evaluating himself. Outwardly he looks amazing, he is the James Diamond after all. He defiantly isn't evaluating himself emotionally, because that would require him to think about things he doesn't want to. Things like Kendall. Kendall with his tacky plaid shirts. Whatever, he doesn't need someone with such bad taste in style.

"James what the hell is wrong with you!" Kendall doesn't even yell, but his voice is low and harsh and James can tell that he's angry.

Who does Kendall think he is, walking into his room like he runs stuff. He doesn't have the right. It's Kendall's room too, but doesn't deserve it and he should just got back to the couch with that tacky plaid blanket he sleeps with.

"Re-evaluating myself."

"Bull shit and you know it." Kendall's eyebrows are furrowed and he mouth is set in a thin line. "What's the matter with you! You're being difficult."

When the words leave Kendall's mouth James is upset and ready to hit him in the mouth. Self-pity and angst is replaced with a burning red angry. "What's the matter with me. What's the matter with you."

"You're the one that's being an ass and giving me the cold shoulder. I did nothing to you and you're being a spoiled brat!

By now they're both yelling at each other. Words spitting out vemon.

"Well you're a terrible person that doesn't give a fuck about my feelings!"

And Kendall's ready to yell sickening words at James, because he may have his flaws, but he isn't a terrible person. If anything James is the terrible person. But he stops. "Jamie, what would make you think that." Kendall's voice is softer, almost hurt.

"Don't call me that!" James crosses his arms against his chest. "And maybe because you ignored me in favor of that blond and the only reason you hung out with me last week was because she was busy. That makes me feel like crap." James hates the way his voice get's choked up at the end.

"I didn't know you felt that way." Kendall's face is making it hard to be mad at him.

"Ughhh." James is so confussed and he doesn't know what to say. "I can't do this anymore." His voice his a whisper and it's a wonder that Kendall even heard the ending. But it doesn't matter, because Kendall can always find someone else to have sex with.

"What do you-" Kendall get's cut off by James' voice, back to being loud and hurt.

"THIS! Whatever this is. Being your fuck buddy. I cant do it anymore. I can't stand only being someone that you have sex with and then just toss aside when something better happens or comes along, especially when you're so much more to me." James hates that he's crying by now and he hates even more than he even said the last 8 words.

"James." Kendall tries to get his attention

"NO!" He bellows out and turns his back to Kendall. It's childish, but he can't let Kendall see him like this. He can't let him that he's falling apart. It's kind of shameful

"James, look at me." Kendall's voice is demanding and when he doesn't obey, he grabs James, turns him around, and looks right at him. The way tears are streaming down his face, face flushed, and hurt written all over him, breaks Kendall's heart. "You are so much more to me than that. You've been right by my side since kinder-garden and I seriously don't know what I would do without you. You're my best friend and I love you."

His words bring no comfort.

"That's just it. I'm you're best friend that you like to have sex with and you mean a lot more than that to me." James takes a deep breath. "You mean so much to me that I feel like it's consuming me." It's never been this hard to tell someone that he likes them, not even to that Norwegian supermodel he saw at Dak's party.

"James, are you saying what I think your are." Kendall asks slowly. James wishes that he could read Kendall's face, because not being able to it making him even more nervous.

"I-" and James just stops, because he's never been good at words and this is too hard, too unknown and uncharted. Instead he kisses Kendall; hoping to say what he can't with his lips. Surprisingly Kendall kisses back and James can never get enough of the sparks that run like electrons through his body when Kendall's lips meet his. Then Kendall's tongue is wiggling into his mouth and James is seeing stars. It's passion and want and things they've been too scared to say. James moves his hands to Kendall's hips and Kendall pulls his closer. Kendall let's out this little moan and it's needy with more than sexual tension. Needy for love.

James thinks they should defiantly be doing this more often. When they pulls apart, both are out breath, but with smiles in place.

"I didn't just hang out with you, because Katie was busy. Sure that was part of it, but I really do like being with you" and James can feel Kendall's breath fanning his face. Chocolate ice cream and mint.

"Let's not talk about her." James says kissing his neck.

"James, I'm serious." Then Kendall pulls away, looking straight into James' eyes. "If you felt that way all this time, then you should have came and talked to be. We're puck buddies and you can tell me anything."

James finds Kendall's words utterly sweet, but he can't help but laugh, because Kendall just used the nickname that Carlos came up with for their group when they were like 7. It brings back one of his funniest memories.

_James, Kendall, and Carlos stood in the middle school hallway, watching their latest scheme in play. Tagging the school's main hallway wall with "SUCK XD". It was childish and they were bound to get suspended or at least 2 months worth of Saturday schools, but it was worth the look of pure shock on Principal Wallace's face. _

_She was evil and deserved a mini heart attack anyway. Kendall's smirk grew even wider as he watched her utter out broken sentences that made no sense .Carlos couldn't contain his laughter._

"_WHO DID THIS." Principal Wallace's face was beet red, spit was flying out of her mouth, and she looked ready to kill someone._

"_The Butt Buddies!" in his excitement Carlos pronounced the word wrong and while it wasn't as loud as the principal's voice, it was still heard by a fairly large number of 13 year olds. Everyone laughed and despite his embarrassment Kendall's smirk grows at the look of pure hate turning the principal's face an inhuman shade of red. Logan was glad he was home sick._

"Do you remember that one time from middle school." James doesn't even have to explain anymore, because Kendall knows exactly what he's talking about.

"Omigod, her face was priceless. And then when Carlos called us that I almost died. She had a thing against homosexuals and when Carlos said that, she looked ready to kill him." Kendall can barely get his words out in between laughs and he's rolling on the floor laughing in obnoxious infectious way that only Kendall can. James loves it.

"Kendall, how long have you liked me?" James asks when Kendall has finally calmed down.

"It started before we slept together, so for about a year." Kendall answers back, head down and cherry red. The earlier air of ease is gone; replaced with something more important. "I wanted to tell you, but I kinda figured you didn't feel the same way. You were always around all those girls. Since I thought you weren't interested, I tried to find other people. "

James' smile is soft, because even though Kendall looks like he's having trouble getting his words out, he's looks cute all flustered.

"Sure I liked some of the people I was with, but the only person that I even came close to having the same feelings for was Jo. I didn't love her as much as I loved you, but I loved her a lot. When she left and I was devastated and you were there for me, it made me love you more." Then Kendall's kissing him after finishing his sentence.

"I've loved you for like 3 years and you're one of the only people I would miss a Cuba Sem-Annual sale for. I'm pretty sure I love you for a lot longer." James pulls Kendall to his bed. No sex, just cuddling. Wrapped in warm skin, cold feet, and glowing hearts.

Sure they don't know what the future holdd and things could always go south, but for right now and many moments after they're Kendall and James. Boys that grew up loving the ice, but ultimately loving each other more.

**If you've ever seen or worn a pair of Abercrombie/Hollister shorts you would know that they're very short. I just felt like that was something Katie would wear. A lot of girls at my school wear them.**

**(A/N): Thanks so much for reading. I spent about 2 weeks planning and writing this fic, so REVIEW, REVIW, and check out some of my other stories.**

**I still have written a Kogan fanfic and I spend a lot of time shipping them and Lomille. I've written fanfic for all my favorite couples and Kames (who I find to be a very hot couple), but not Kogan. That's next on my agenda. But seriously thanks so much for reading and I would love it if you reviewed. **


End file.
